Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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