He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
