ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
