$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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