so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my being single is dangerous.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
