I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
