you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
