dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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