fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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