so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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