He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
