i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
