I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How's work?
Spinning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
