So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize