im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
