The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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