Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
