I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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