Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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