When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
