addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
