I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
