So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
