the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Randomize