you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
