farters have to be the big spoon...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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