I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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