Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
