I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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