hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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