I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
