just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
