He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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