He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he puts the penis in happiness.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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