Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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