"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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