You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
