I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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