GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
