it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
