At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
