I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
