I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
