I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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