the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
