Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
