Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
