My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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