hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
