He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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