We named our party play list daddy issues
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
