He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
