I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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