if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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