i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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