so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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