maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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