i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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