its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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