I didn't shave. On purpose
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
