do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
