community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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