They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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