The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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