We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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