I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I am morally bankrupt
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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